I Love.....

"Let these words
not only touch your eyes,
let them
travel through your soul,
and let them
vest in your heart
and you rest in mine"
The most adorable 3 words "I Love You" (or should I say 3 letter word?? ILU) can have so many forms of its own. I think its only group of words that can have so many forms of life. When telling your friends or family as a matter of fact, it comes with such an ease but at the same time when you want to say it to someone you like, these are those 3 words become the most difficult ones to say or should I say the most difficult ones to confess. I was talking to my this real cool chic friend of mine and it came out so easily and so naturally that I really love her (no second thoughts should be applied) and her friendship n I'm glad that we met, and after telling her I noticed the immenseness of the word. The reason I now referred it to a word is coz I now am starting to understand that the word I LOVE YOU is just not some words put together to form a sentence, but it is "the" word which holds so much diversity in itself and can mean so much to so many people is so many different context and in different phases of life and why is it only referred just only as a word and not as a sentence (or group of words) .

What surprises me the most is the enormity of the word, the feelings and the emotions attached to it. How does it feel to you when you say love you to your mother or your father?? How do they feel about it when it is coming from their own selves, their kids??( you are very much so a part of your parents... its like a cell division process) How does it feel when you tell the same thing to your best friend.... How do they feel about it?? How does it feel when you tell it to someone you admire, adore and cherish their presence around you?? (Some one you want to be with) .. How does this feel now to you when you have to say it.... Why are there so many speculations attached to this unique form of saying I Love You. And at that instance of time the most important question that runs from your head to toe is how do they feel about it?? Last but not the least how does it feel when you say "I Love You" to yourself??

hmmm.... even during my finals I couldn't fight the temptation to write. I must admit it relaxes me a lot and clears my mind with all the darn tensions... So while studying for the finals when on break I was watching dhoom 2. I'm going nuts for the movie. The more I see Hrithik the more I like him. He's a real dude, and so it happened that the love chemistry between Aryan aka Hrithik and Sunehari aka Aish made me think, esp the intimate scene where they(she) confesses their love for each other, and it made me wonder..... hmm and then I was thinking that some where deep down inside all the practicality and realistic thoughts we all want a fairy tale love story, where you get to meet the one who is made for you in a very melodramatic way.... well I've got to admit I think I want to... not just coz m such a dramebaaz babe... but coz I think I want to; not that filmy types too, but something or in some way which would make it special. I guess all of us want it to happen, but only some of us admit it.

Agreed that life is not always bed of roses but that does not imply that it is full of thorns also. It good to have a balanced life .... a little bit of hard work, some dreams (including fairy tale dreams), which would bring happiness, some drama and a lot of naughtiness( a must for a person of my attitude), a great company of cooolll friends and a spec person who would want you to come back home to.... ahhh a perfect life!!

Crazy kiya re....Reviews...

So the title of my blog this is the dance number from dhoom 2... It was yesterday that me n my "naughty friends" as said went for dhoom 2 in $5 which was cool... I must say it was a complete paisa vasool movie... the come back of hrithik roshan proved that he can act well apart from his dad films.. n that dude has got some talent in him apart from the name n rock dancing. I must say I was impressed. Man!! that dude definitely knows some great moves. Baby B on the other hand was total opposite. All the more reason for me to cry ; the first being he getting married.. heart breaking news (inputs by mom n some friends n great CNN India). Ok, lets admit that kajal is not meant for guys... atleast not for Abhishek , that was soooo gay!!
Aish like looked hot but like her acting was like ... well thats how she talks in the entire movie, with "like" being the refrained word. There was a lot of skin showing from aish, last time the same thing was with esha... hmmmm m wondering what's with the body toning and tanned skin n not to forget skin showing thing with the chopras?? but whatever it may be it works wonders for the heriones. Uday was cute with his stupidity n bad sense of humor. Bipasha was hot too.. she dint had that much substance in the movie though....
Overall the movie was an entertainer... its worth $5 n should go n watch it once...

Is love for real??? Do you really get butterflies in your stomach and see cupid smiling at you??

Well I had to do some research and write a review for one of the anthropological article.. "Arranging a marriage in India" for my anthro class... This topic wasn't something which was new to me..I mean I've been born n brought up in India for crying out loud but yet it seemed so strange to me that how can one be ready to spend their rest of their lives with a person who they've never seen or met before and they some how after meeting formally for the first time in your freaking life.. and in front of those stary n scary eyes watching your every move ... and yet... somewhere, something is strange that clicks and bangs your head with a huge bell and some how you get this terrible twist in your stomach you literally see pigs flying all around you... and the next thing you know that maybe that person who you just met is made for u... and who do you thank?? your parents for making you meet the person you maybe waiting for your entire useless life... and something finally turns up right.
Well this may sound too dramatic but this is very true, you can never be sure of what life has in store for you, yet we try... we try to live and to laugh... dream for having a life of our own. "It might take ages to know a person and yet it may just take a moment to fall in love" ....... "Love only needs a moment of your life and then your entire life changes and starts revolving around love". I've never experienced such love but I do want to fall and rise in love and see how it feels like to crazzzyy over one person who either can make you or break you. I am all about love.. I don't need time in a relationship ... all I need is love...I don't want expensive gifts from the person I love .... all I need is just three simple words straight from his heart... and a smile... and I promise I can live again, fight every obstacle that would come in my way with a never ending smile. I want to see and learn that even though you never have seen the person in your life, how can still than that person becomes everything in your life??
I've seen and been through heartache myself, but somehow I fail not to believe that Love can ever hurt someone! Love never hurts... its beautiful when you are in it and it is beautiful even when you are not in it...... It's is the only mystery which unfolds the truth by itself !!!!

It’s the needle that freaks me out!!

Well, lets just say that I am not a brave kid when it comes to injections, and that has always been one of the main reasons I hate going to docs… they just scare the hell out of me.. and for some reason every time I’ve made a visit I ended myself into a situation where I had to take those painful, making me cry like a baby injection shots!! I mean what the hell..huh I mean seriously…I wont get that scared if I had to go watch a horror movie alone, but it would certainly scare the crap out of me if I have to face just one small tiny winy needle going right into my arm, slowly slowly going first into my skin and then into my veins…phew! Isn’t that scary or what??

It just happened a couple of days ago when while taking a shower (in this sleepy sleepy mood at 5:30 in the morning) I somehow slipped and got hurt.. n the skin from my right leg, right above my ankle…peeled off about an inch and a half I think….that’s not as bad as the next two hours then after were. I had my mid term at 9:30 AM that day and then I had a career day fair to attend and here I was with a peeled off skin bleeding like the water flowing from a fall!! Under normal circumstances the bleeding should stop in an about 3-5 minutes but the cut kept bleeding for more than 2 hours. At first I wasn’t so serious about it but when the bleeding kept on I got a little worried about it….well I had to ‘cause in less than an hour I had my midterm!! Well then I called for some help… my roommate took me to the closest doctor. Well the bleeding and the wound was taken care of but somehow that doctor figured out that needles freaks me out… guess what then… he told me to take a tetanus shots. End of the story, I couldn’t even cry… and now the situation is that my right hand where I took that scary little thing is in such pain that I cant even move my hand… but somehow managed to write a blog!!

The Orkut Obsession!!

The "Orkut" obsession is driving me nuts now.... just cant get my hands off the this damn thing, and with the kind of friend circle I have its much harder not to get obsessed with it..!! It is such a strange thing that just one commnity can bring all those people back into your life who you've lost touch with in one way or the other ;-)
It happened just a couple of days back three of my friends started chatting but it turned out that they ended up chatting (for more than 15 mins) about orkut before one of my friends realised and made a point that "Isnt there anything left for us to talk than talking 'bout orkut?? " Can you actually believe it that I recommend people to join orkut coz it is much easier to then keep in contact with each other and keep each other upadated about our beings!! I mean how worst can it get, that telling my brother that his hair style sucks... I scrap him on orkut when he is only one call away from me!! Even then I some how I kinda enjoy this obsession...

Enjoy ScRaPiNg!!

Life sahi main hai ladoo... (only when u have great friends around!!)

ok, so now I think I'll have to stop saying in my blogs that the last time spend with my great great great friends was my most memorable one !! I've been having some great fun lately... meeting people of my own kind to begin with... and when I say my own kind I really mean it by saying so because it then is inevitable that we (me and some amazing people i became friends with recently...) then share the same level of naughtiness...
Coming back to the topic... my friday night was rocking (which on the contrary was supposed to be dull and sulky) when all of a sudden I decided going for a garba night with some of my "devilish friends" and boy am I glad I went!!! my entire weekend module got restructured and the final outcome product was total fun and dance on garba beats...
After a deciding that I would be going to friday "garba" night... I ran home from my job got ready in about 15 mins to be precise.... I finally made it to my friends place after forgetting my home n my car keys inside the house keeping in mind that even my roommate wasnt home, getting lost after only being 10 mins away from my friends place... and taking all the nakhras from my friends guy friends who thought we were late enuf to go.... we made it to the place where the garba was organized around 11 pm. To my surprise we were spontaneous, our energies all geared up to the garba beats... we danced 2 full hours... (without taking much pause while dancing), and while having dinner "or the prasad" me n some of the other group members started pulling shalini's leg.. (she is supposed to be my other devil half....n vice-versa) and then were completey exhausted... when came home we still werent in a mood to sleep n there I met one more of my own kind "Mr. Rohit" who happens to be monika's buddy... saturday night again was an awesome garba night... we as again were unstoppable... even though i think we all were still exhasuted from the friday night fever... saturday night turned out to be more fun... masti... garba n non-stop laughing even though there was nothing to laugh about... again after coming home n getting hurt (me getting hurt is like adding chai to pani!! ) we were still in high spirits... still in the mood to go n rock the floor again... bt we decided not to and instead got ourselves engaged into talking n pulling legs again n this time it was poor cute little monika's turn!! It went on and on and on until monika really got pissed off n went straight to bed after then...the remaining four of us also decided to call it the day.. n i mean literally mean the day.. coz it was 5 in the morning when we slept... no to forget it not that big of a deal for me.. bt also considering the fact that not every weekend is as amazing as this one was!!
To finally conclude... "hum kuch vichitra log jo baki (damn i cant think of the translation for the word "normal in hindi!!) shisht aur sudhare hui (now i cant think how to say "humans") janta se kafi alag hai... ye tahe dil se vyatit karna chahte hai ki humne hamare weekends ka bharpor roop se aanand uthaya... aaaaarrrrggghh forget it... my "shudh hindi speaking fever" is still pretty predominant on me right now and i try very hard not to let me take it!! all i meant was "we the devil people of our own kinds... had a gr8 weekends in the presense of our so called normal janta!! but in my opinion I think we are wayyyyy better then the normal ones!! ciyah soon!!

Sanibel Islands...the land for Charlie and his Angels...

This was one of my most memorable trips....I would say, a trip of a lifetime...The place we were heading to was called "Sanibel and Captiva Islands"...the place is famous for its beaches and its water sports...well even though we couldnt complete what we came for but still we had such a good time just being with each other...and striking pose of course...

Since we were three girls and two guys...we named ourselves as the "Angels" and the guys(..who ever wanted to be) became Charlie...so we were "Charlie's Angels" and we came for a mission....we are here for business people...

The mission was to have good fun...unlike original Charlie's Angels, Angel "M" being the first angel had the skill of being a good journalist, this angel knew how to make people talk.... Angel "S" has the perfect epitome to hide her identity....she blends well in the environment....she can dance superb in order to hide her identity and at the same time can change herself to become an innocent tourist who is enjoying the trip the islands..... Angel "N" on the other hand was also good in speaking....she spoke like a politician and had the great convincing power to distract public's attention from what the other two angels were doing.... Charlie "P" to go undercover used his linguistic power and changed his outlook completely.... Charlie "R" acted well to make the villians believe that he wasnt the part of the gang...he acted as a "laid" back tourist...who came to enjoy the "laid" back scenario(s) of the islands....Together playing our undercover identities we saved the world once again from getting hurt....

heee heee...this trip was planned...(unplanned) so that we could enjoy the water sports and could have a good time in water....but 'cause of the bad weather....all the plan to enjoy got screwed up ..... but in a way I am glad it happened so... the bad weather really gave us a chance to spend more time in knowing each other and have fun together......and the reason this trip was a major success in a sense was becoz we all shared the same level of naughtiness......and the raport we all had was out of the world..... well, you can also call it unsuccessfull coz we dint get a chance to complete our hidden desires to play with water....And if you ask me....this trip was a total 110% success.... ;-)

A trip to Sai baba's mandir.....

Well....I have to admit that this is the heights of my laziness...With so many cool things happening in and around my life...I still dont want to take out time and write about it...oh well here I go again...

Well...recently I came in aquaintance with some of the most awesome people of my kind!! When I mention my kinds...it is more than obvious that they must have the qualities of being naughty and a good sense of humor is a must!! We...the number of people in the group may vary...decided to go to the sai baba temple which is a good 3 hours drive and is in a small country side town named "Inverness". The sai baba mandir was awesome.....it was so austere...so serene...the surroundings of the temple were calm and unruffled by the outside disturbances. There was this different kind of calmness in the air...which reflected pureness around.

After getting in all the positive energy we headed on to return back to our caves....while on our way back we hopped in between to this cafe for some aromatic coffee....this coffee cafe had this pleasing environment and surely had a laid back atmoshphere around...the "chocolate frapuccino" and the "vanila chai"...was simply out of the world...a good halt at the cafe really boosted up our energy for the drive back which was some good 3-4 hrs. The pic that I am displaying above is the picture from the coffee cafe...where we all are either sipping our coffee or chai.... All of us were licensed drivers so we equally shared the driver's and the navigator's spot...and came back home just the way we started...in one single piece.. :-D

Life.....as said has the most curvaceous paths!!!

Sometimes your hard luck strikes really hard on you, and that's what is happening with me for a last couple of weeks. It all started with one bad morning as my day started with a bad mood, from there I knew that things wont be good , but I never knew that it would turn worst. And since then bad things/ stuff happening to me are almost everyday's routine.

When I left my job in the evening my roomate called me and gave me the worst news I ever expected to hear atleast from her. Its quite a long SAD and Depressing story. The place where I am ( We; me and my roommate)are living right now is not a very safe place to live anymore, so we decided to move out as our current lease was also expiring. Well we started to search for the new apartment / condo long back and we also managed to find a cool place (in our budget) and we were happy to move. Excited and Thrilled. But right before a week of our moving the home owners called and gave the biggest shock of our lives. They wanted to cancel the lease. And they did, without even giving us the proper reason. I wont go into details, but we were freaking out big time. We literally had to put all our stuff aside and start the search again right from the scratch. It was all the more irritating and heart breaking because none of us really had the time to put in all that kind of effort again espically when our finals were approaching...but on the contrary we dint had any kind of choice....things then started to fall apart....

well...so then we decided to take some days off and start everything from the scratch..we missed our college....took days off from work .....and went to almost each and every place available in the city...we really gruelled ourselves till the last straw in the strand.....in the end we did manage to find a decent place, meeting the criteria of close to school. That incident was an experience in itself...sometimes I think when accidents like this happens, during that phase somehow you get enormous amount of strength to fight it back....and to talk more like an optimistic pig...I would say that whatever happens, happens for a good reason!!

Fun night, last night!!

It was funny nite yesterday.... it was as usual a boring sunday evening n I was expecting this friend of my so that we can complete the homework for one of this classes that I'm taking this summer.....so she finally came in the evening...and then we sat down thinking that we should be able to complete the homework in about 2 hrs....oh we wish that was true..

As we gradually started to proceed with our homework....my roommate joined us, as she too is the same class but her submission was due a week later but uh well...all three of us sat down and started with the homework...we started around 5:00 pm and she left at 12:00 am...and in those 7 hrs all we did was talking and talking...but in between we also shifted our attention to the homework that was due in 2 days and a week for my roommate!! :)

so far we were doing good...bt as we were approaching towards the end of the homework.....suddenly all us were getting more serious towards the work and there was pin - drop silence for some time....then my friend she asked me to verify wheather the codes that she did were correct or not....n so i did and the next moment we know all 3 of us were shouting and screaming and laughing....we trying to verify and all three of us were getting different solutions....

finally we did got the solution on which all 3 of us agreed on....but the time we were taking to agree on one solution was so hilarious and energetic at the same time...I am sure that our neighbours would definately had been cursing us for being so loud in the middle of the night!! But it was definately a fun night...

A wound that would never heal....

Its just so hard sometimes to let go of things or should I say times which I've cherised all my life.. and those cherised times....they were shared with some of the closest people that I "had" in my life....and now I don't have them anymore!!

Its so hard to let go of the past.....Why does it has to be so hard?? Recently it is happening to me that I am loosing all the people I was close to...the "people" who I always referred to as my "best friends" and now they are just "people"....they have started drifting away from me...leaving me all by myself....."alone" I guess and I hate to say that I dont like it at all.... all my life I've always been this blithe natured girl...always had my best friends with me....uhhhh that was all past, the presents only holds me alone....and now I'm even scared more of loosing them all and you know what I dont like this....I don't want things to change...I've never changed for anyone...but why did they changed?? I agree that priorities change....mine changed to....not everyday is same and time changes......but that doesnt mean that even the strongest relationships change!!

Why is it so hard to let it all go????? I dont want that I should be everyone's priority or I should be the center of attraction for everything!! All I am asking for is just my friends back....is it so much to ask for?? All I am asking for is my life back?? Is it so hard to get it back???Is it so hard to get back the people you love the most, the people who ae your friends and who make you what you are?? I dont want to be the one to let it all go.....I dont want to be alone....I hate being alone....Its .......Its so uhhh hard..Its ............It is so empty.....I dont like emptiness .....It'll kill me and as a matter of fact it is killing me slowly.......

The picture says it all!!

I found this picture somewhere on the internet. At first I was just looking at the colors and could only appreciate its outer beauty...but only until yesterday it was mere a picture to me...now it isnt!!
The orange tree with shredded leaves symbolises enthusiasm that once the tree passes through fall, spring will not only bring happiness but will again load the tree with its beautiful leaves...the green water is there to heal the saddness of the tree and is protecting the tree from falling apart...It is so obvious that the picutre is different and amazing to see that the colors convey the strength to stand and hold on till spring arrives in our lives too....

Sometimes I dont like being the one who's always in good shoes....I dont want to be understanding all the time, I dont want to be the one who is all about being the perfect girl, understanding everyone around me and being a good girl... I dont want to be labeled as "understanding". I dont want to be the one who pampers the people around her...I want to get pampered , I want to do the wrong things and want some one to back me up for that....tell me its ok to make mistakes......to tel me that things are going to be ok soon.....I dont want to responsible for makings some one's day or ruining some one's day....I want some one to make my day...understand me and make me be a little kid.. sometimes I just dont want to grow up so that I dont have to be in everyone's good shoes.... every one expects me to be the perfect one around....well no one is perfect is it?? Life is not about being the perfect one....its all about living it to the fullest....learning for the wrong and rights.....I guess that what even I am trying to do!!

Well.....Its been long that I've thought about writing...uhh Its kind of difficult to think who am i actually talking too!!! nevertheless i have to accept that i am a lazy bum....n i only write when i feel like, or i guess when i can think of something to write.......or rather when apart of my everyday life i really think that i should be writing....I am not a good writer though......n i dont think i knw how to express myself thru this!!! Since I live alone....the best way to share everything is to write......get all ur grudges out n share the happiness and thats how i started enjoying writing....

So, just bear with me n thou shall suceed one day!! I dont know what I usually share or express through my blogs or is it really unidirectional?? Sometimes I feel that all I end up talking about is how things are happening in my life...what are my daily day experiences.......I guess this is blog all about right??
Life..............................???

aa ab laut chalen

Well I was going out with this friend who also happens to be an indian living abroad living all by herself...... just like the way I was living and here I was coming from a movie that we went together and we were returning back to home....and somehow she made me listen to the song from some aishwarya rai movie.....I guess aa ab laut chalen.....n she made me listen to the title track of this movie.....what it was like listening to crap at first...... coz generally I dont like listening to such things and flow into emotions as I'm more ruled by living life practically rather than living it emotionally but somehow today to my atmost surprise I also heard it and somehow liked it and started to analysing more of my emotional side......and uhhh then here I was analaysing both of our living and situations and our life styles and the life that we go thru everyday...the pain , the trauma , the happiness , the frustations , the moments of love and being loved which was rare in our daily lives....lonliness was our friend most of the times....

Well.... I wont disclose her name but she is going thru a painful divorce after a marriage of 10 long years. I would stil call it an unsuccessful marriage though I dont have any right to comment on somebody's personal life......a mistake happens at both the ends......isnt' it?? both of the homo spaiens are responsible for the mistake. aahhh....I not writing this to talk about a marriage failure - the reasons for its failures and its remedies...well I just wanted to talk about two people...!!!! she is going thru a very bad patch of her life.......with her six year old daughter sufferning the separation of her parents and she herself being so vulnerable ....scared of going for another relationship. I must admit that women in general are vulnerable no matter how strong they are in any situation.

Ahem.....uhhh but anyways leaving aside the more critic side of me and here I was looking at our lives, trying to find our ways in our own field , being independent if thats how we would like to put it...!!! things had been going good with me when I came here....I had a job , I had taken good courses n i guess I was enjoying the early stages of my independence, while it dint stay that long and soon I realised that independence doesnt mean freedom to live your own life on your own terms .....but independence also means to have responsibilites towards the actions you take and the decisions you make about your own life accepting the right ones and taking in gracefully the wrong ones and learning from your mistakes. Walking thru the thin line of doing things the right way and the wrong way......trying to be always perfect and being perfect.

I learned a lot from my mistakes(which is what I say all the time....but hey I am still learning), or rather I am still learning from my mistakes but after a long time I realised that all the fun that I had in the beginning resulted in my bad grades and soon i realised that its not fun always....well the wise decision after that was I left my job (which was more demanding) and started hunting for another ...a less demanding one so that I could improve my grades which I did so far. I got the job after 3 months of rigrous hunt....at the same time I was trying to keep up with the family and manage with my boyfriend....we fight a lot!! she on the other hand was going thru a brutal divore, having a job , working again in the evenings and at the same time trying to raise a kid without getting affect with their divorce which I must admit is very very difficult.

And in all this I was thinking about my luxurious lifestyle in India...the days with every thing just there in just a wink , and I wanted to go back...back to where I belong....where things are mine....where even a stranger gives the feeling of being someone to you!!! just of being some one you can call your own...your own...my country and me....and I love it...I just love it this way...!!!

The begining of a new phase......a new chapter!!!

You realise when you come to know that your life is suddenly taking a "U" turn which makes you take decisions, makes you believe that life is not that easy after all.... and nothing is predictable. Its not like back then when each and everthing in your life was mom and dad's concern.....Life I believed has already changed.!!!

It also makes you independent coz then you learn to make your own decision and find out your mistakes ......you cannot actually make them right but ya you can promise yourself not to make the same one's again.....I learned a lot though......I realised that if things dont work out for you, no body and I mean nobody on this earth can make them right until you do it by yourself!!! and frankly speaking no one even cares....!!!

At the age of 21 I've seen things that most people go through in the later part of their lives. I dont say neither do i want to prove something.....but I've learned a lot from my experiences and that made me grow......made me more mature......gave another perspective of living.....thinking more analytically......setting my priorities first which according to some of my friends is being more selfish but hey that's how the world works!!! Even then I've seen myself breaking down like a baby in darknes....in front of a friend and also in front of somewho who has been completely unknown to me.....I thank them again for their generosity in being there for me in my hard times. When I look back, I accept that those time were worth going thru.....for the simple reason that price I payed then will always repay me back throughout my life.....

But looking in a more positive manner its like any other test that we go thru when we are studyin....Its ok to fail and to fall down but what more important is that you stand up again and keep on trying .......every day in life is a test in itself.....and at times there are mid-terms and finals which are a lot tougher that a regular test....and then when you do good....you r elated , satisfied rather ......more confident of doing good next time tooo....at least would try to achieve the same again!! Thats when you begin a new chapter of your life.....a new phase and a new begining...... :-) The love that you have .....for yourself and the never giving upon situations....the hope.....to stand up against all odds....

this reminds me of a b'ful song by Mariah Carey.... "Through the rain" it goes like
"I can make it thru the rain..I can stand up once again....
on my own and I know that I'm strong enuf to mend
and every time I feel afraid , I hold tight up to my faith
and I live one more day....and I'll make it thru the rain!! "

Also listen to song "Behind these hazel eyes" by Kelly Clarkson" its a cool foot taping number but relates to the essence of not giving up!!!