Why is that when finally good things come back in your life after a dark cloud they bring along a lot of doubt?? Why is that when you finally start seeing the result for something that you've been working on for as long as you can remember suddenly seems to good to be true?? Why then suddenly you get all anxious and can't sleep through the night thinking and rethinking everything over and over again in your head....trying to find flaws and possibilities that could ruin everything that ever worked for??? Why is that even when you are working on something that means a lot to you.. you are not there anymore... you keep staring at something for so long and yet have no idea what you've been looking at??? Why is that when love finally knocks your door you suddenly are too afraid to open it?? Why is that when at work suddenly all the missing pieces seems to fall into its place, instead of being happy you're mind is filled with doubts and somewhere deep down inside you are waiting for something to go wrong...Why are we so afraid to begin something which is out of regular norms of the society?? Why can't we sometimes just follow what our heart desires and let the chips fall into places after...... and most importantly why do we let ourselves get into self doubt when at one time we were confident that the success will come in time?? Why can't our mind and our heart work together with mutual understanding and agree with each other on the same things! Why do we lose faith in everything we once believed in???
Here I am writing at 2:20 AM in the morning when I should be sleeping. I just can't fall asleep. I have a 9:00 AM meeting tomorrow and have to finish up on some deadlines and I've been trying to get my work done for almost 4 hours now. This is something that I would've finished in less than an hour any given day....but today seems to be exceptionally hard. My mind is not with me .... Inside out I'm really anxious and I finally acknowledge the signs ... I start to blabber and talk a lot more than I usually do... I have all these unanswered questions and many more that've been haunting me like spirits for a while now......I don't follow the rules (and yes I could be a rebel if I wan to)....and have most definitely taken risks by which my heart desires. I've gotten myself into a lot of unimaginable troubles for doing so...but never once had a regret. I don't feel the same person I used to be anymore. I judge all my actions and my words now ... I think long before I make any decision - am weighing in the pros and the cons as they say! There's absolutely nothing wrong in doing the right thing the right way and I tend to constantly chose mind over heart and yet I feel I'm not the same person anymore.... incomplete in a very emotional sort of way.... Why is it that I feel the fear of making a mistake by trusting my heart and following what seems right to my it and not to my mind?
And this is one blog which I find extremely hard to conclude....I dislike open endings but maybe it is what it is for this one for better or for worse!
Here I am writing at 2:20 AM in the morning when I should be sleeping. I just can't fall asleep. I have a 9:00 AM meeting tomorrow and have to finish up on some deadlines and I've been trying to get my work done for almost 4 hours now. This is something that I would've finished in less than an hour any given day....but today seems to be exceptionally hard. My mind is not with me .... Inside out I'm really anxious and I finally acknowledge the signs ... I start to blabber and talk a lot more than I usually do... I have all these unanswered questions and many more that've been haunting me like spirits for a while now......I don't follow the rules (and yes I could be a rebel if I wan to)....and have most definitely taken risks by which my heart desires. I've gotten myself into a lot of unimaginable troubles for doing so...but never once had a regret. I don't feel the same person I used to be anymore. I judge all my actions and my words now ... I think long before I make any decision - am weighing in the pros and the cons as they say! There's absolutely nothing wrong in doing the right thing the right way and I tend to constantly chose mind over heart and yet I feel I'm not the same person anymore.... incomplete in a very emotional sort of way.... Why is it that I feel the fear of making a mistake by trusting my heart and following what seems right to my it and not to my mind?
And this is one blog which I find extremely hard to conclude....I dislike open endings but maybe it is what it is for this one for better or for worse!
